THE VIOLENT
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Post by ZACK BENEDICT MØRK on Oct 24, 2011 13:14:41 GMT 1
diary of a madman --------------------------------
1
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
My therapist says that in order to better control my temper I should write my thoughts down in a calm controlled manner, then she also said that a little drink now and then never hurt. Now she in hospital with liver failier... Trust me to get the psychs with more issues then I have. Still, the bitch deserves it. I swear to GOD I never seen someone so obviously win my favor with butt kissing, I mean if anyone calls me 'special' or tells me how 'nice I can be' again I will shove there toung so far down there own gob there be able to kiss there own arse and stop kissing up to mine.
I really don't know what I did in a former life to deserve this shit. Sometimes I just can't take it, it be all to easy to just step in front of a train or OD on my medication.. I guess I see my sister again but then, I probably going to hell so have to watch her from down below.
I miss her. I can't even visit her grave as it in Norway. I mean, why am I even thinking like that, all that left in that grave is a rotting corpse and bones. Im just being stupid. She can't hear me. She been dead like ten years now. Its pathetic. Im pathetic, this whole situation is beyond a joke. Nobody understands me, they just see this odd little freak, the teachers are worse. Talk to me like im stupid until I curse them down. Then, only then they treat me like somebody and throw me into detention, even then they say 'oh he probably didn't understand' I fucking understood. They are bloody idiots the lot of them.... I miss home though. I never even wanted to live here.
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THE VIOLENT
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Post by ZACK BENEDICT MØRK on Oct 24, 2011 13:18:31 GMT 1
diary of a madman --------------------------------
2
" If I throw a stick, will you leave?"
I like the fact that I seem to be known without introducing myself. It seems my reputation precedes me. It makes life easier as I don’t have to lay down the ground rule for people. No touching, No speaking and most of all No asking stupid questions. Which should be covered by the no talking rule but most frequently forget. The rules change daily but at least most get the general idea and give up getting close to me as they will never be right. Still there is always one who just can’t seem to get it through there thick skull that I don’t want them near me. Acting like a parasitic bug.
Girls are worse. Acting all ‘aaaawwwww...’ I mean for fuck sake, there is nothing ‘aaaawwwww’ about me. You think after being told to go jump o bridge they back off but it only encourages them. Im all one for abuse but seriously they are unnaturally attached to being verbally insulted. That or there just so blond it goes over there head. I think it probably the latter. If you ask me all girls are stupid and should not be trusted. I mean I wouldn’t trust anything that can bleed for five days and not die.
Still I suppose I am coping better then I thought, then its coming up to three years since I arrived.
Im actually quite surprised Im keep this first person narrative going, this sort of thing I usually try once, find pointless and never do again. But I guess, Heh, the old bitch was right it does help clear my head by writing things down. Yeah I was wrong, im not afraid to admit that. I hope the therapist never get hold of this... she think im going soft and making a big step forward by admitting I was wrong. At least so far it proving to work but then nothing is irritating me much. Mainly as i think im finding ways, people, to amuse me.
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THE VIOLENT
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Post by ZACK BENEDICT MØRK on Oct 25, 2011 19:30:39 GMT 1
diary of a madman --------------------------------
3
" face to face, im a hopeless case"
Oh, GOD, DAMN, CRAP, FUCKING, SHIT and BLOODY-HELL ...Stubbed my toe last night. It hurt a lot. But then its just another mark to add to my skin, im a patchwork quilt as it is so it really won’t make much difference and girls find scars hot anyway so I should be grateful. Only a week ago I gave myself a black eye as I saw the need to kiss the floor. I know when I was younger I even broke my nose and cut my head open practically. It feels like I spend more time on the floor then my feet.. I should buy a helmet but then it will be one more oddity about me. Then im not really careful with the things I do, I like pushing limits even if I get hurt. I heal quick enough after. I hate looking at my body though, if I didn’t like swimming so much I wouldn’t do that as it means stripping down.
Ugh, right now I shouldn’t even be writing this entry, I got a ton of work to finish and its already overdue. I just cant get into the topic. I mean if I wanted to know about some guy painted a bunch of flowers and ate paint, or who killed who with what eighty years ago I would look it up. History is boring, I live in the now. Its not like I have a career ahead of me other then future convict. At least thats what im always being told.
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THE VIOLENT
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Post by ZACK BENEDICT MØRK on Oct 27, 2011 19:00:05 GMT 1
diary of a madman --------------------------------
4
"Slow motion suicide"
Im meeting the head of arts soon, that will be a barrel of laughs... She going to try and ‘understand’ me, apparently. Find out why I skip all her lessons. Honestly I can't see why she cares, if she cares.. Feels like more she being made to do it. Still, I wish her luck. Many have tried, and failed to understand me. I don’t even fully understand me. I wish I did understand though – not myself but why they care so much about it. Im sure worse people have stepped through these corridors. In the world so why does the spotlight fall on me? I don’t want it and I know what I do doesn’t exactly keep the attention off. Whatever people think im not messing up as I want attention. I be happy if they left me alone and never spoke to me again. Just I never had privacy. I don’t remember it anyway. I always had people poking and prodding me. Observing me and stuffing me with new drugs. Even as I grew up I wasn’t left alone until my sister got really sick, then I was ignored, at least until I broke something. They took all my stuff away and I still remember moving and them acting like she never was after she died. As the shop is named after her though she wont ever be forgotten really, but I guess I just want the same and to be remembered, to die famous but without fame.. I know that makes little sense.
Hmm, maybe I could be the first student death here. Dying can’t be that bad can it. Quick gunshot, hanging, overdose maybe. I got the drugs that could do it, I mean I think you can kill yourself if you OD on painkillers or all these mood stabilisers. I don’t want to just try it and find I wake up in hospital,that would bring more attention on me and not the kind I want.
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THE VIOLENT
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Post by ZACK BENEDICT MØRK on Nov 12, 2011 20:44:15 GMT 1
diary of a madman --------------------------------
5
" Your Hippocratic messiah and child abused turned satanic "
Everyone should have a hate list.. The List
- CARO, mega-bitch whore
- Illyria - or whatever the fuck her name is.
- Evi – Talks to much.
- Azyona – is ok… but I don’t have a like list
- Marianne – same as Caro
- Jax – Hypocrite
- Fabian – Got rod up his arse
- Zevren – Good god he is annoying
this will updated, probably..
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THE VIOLENT
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Post by ZACK BENEDICT MØRK on Nov 14, 2011 22:04:23 GMT 1
diary of a madman --------------------------------
6
" Your love's my heroin"
Ever since I met this succubus girl my minds been on the subject. I like to be able to say im dating someone but seriously, who would date me? Nobody if they had any sense and until I sort myself out it would be unfair to get into any relationship. Yeah, me thinking of others.. Doesn’t seem normal does it? Think it’s the new meds they got me taking here, been thinking about things more then normal.
Nobody so far here catches my attention really. They are either annoying, plastic barbie girls who talk to much or annoying emo boys who really are not that different to the girls. I need a real woman, someone strong, determined but not obsessed with her face and hair. Saying that im not against a guy but they have to be someone special to pull me away from a good chest. Sex is just sex really no matter what gender provides it. I mean I always thought girls were thing to go after,
I heard you could be a guy and go after another guy, I tried it once. Mainly to piss my parents off and there dream of getting grandchildren but there is something strangely appealing about the idea.
Im not sure what attracts me more though, the idea by doing this I am offending people or that I actually like dudes. I think its both,
Fuck all this shit about being confused. I always known about myself... more or less.
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THE VIOLENT
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Post by ZACK BENEDICT MØRK on Nov 20, 2011 15:35:19 GMT 1
diary of a madman --------------------------------
7
"And I'm so sorry, it's not like me. It's maturity that I'm lacking "
Hmm.. boring day, feel ill and in pain. Apparently its Karma, or thats what im being told and its going to get me back. Bring it on I say.
People here are just pathetic, easy to mess with. Like teacher lady. I mean, cutting yourself just screams ‘pay me attention’. I am still not sure why she showed me the scars, trying she is trying to relate I guess? Just as I cut doesn’t mean I want to see what you do though. What a freak..
I guess that would make me a freak as well though, but at least I embrace it. Teacher lady seems to be ashamed about it. I told her scars were good but she didn’t seem to believe me. Really though they are no different to tattoos. You get tattoos done to remember a event or something close to you. Likewise you cut and get a scar because of a event or something that happened to you. Most who have tattoos show them off, bit pointless having them otherwise so why cut if your going to hide it? Its dumb. I don't like how my body looks but I don't got out my way to hide it really. Not anymore anyway.
I swear teacher lady would be a lot happier if she wasn’t so self conscious. I don’t give two fucks what people think of me... As long as they don't ask to many questions or feel like they have to give a opinion that wasn't asked..
Teacher lady seems hell bent on getting me to do stuff for her. Really I wouldn’t even be helping her in the greenhouses if it wasn’t for the fact i have to do that or be on lockup over winter.. and she did these psycho woman eyes at me. I do like gardening though so its ok, its relaxing and I have a innate gift with nature which she wants to exploit.
She promised that nobody would interfere or take the place away from me, im holding her to that. You don't get any privacy here so having a space as my own is nice.
Its all a little odd, I honestly don't know if I want to stab the woman or kiss her.
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THE VIOLENT
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Post by ZACK BENEDICT MØRK on Feb 28, 2012 20:59:26 GMT 1
diary of a madman --------------------------------
8
" Too meny freaks, not enough circuses"
For the first time in ages the academy is putting on some event for all the residents and out of all the things they could have done they decided to do some dance to celebrate valentines day. With free drinks as well… Doesn’t seem the most sensible thing to do, sex and alcohol is never a great mix especially with some of the characters they have around here. I did go to it, but that was only to get a free drink without having to use any of my allowance. Good thing to as I needed something in me to be able to get through the night with all the cheesy music playing and pink love hearts they had around the hall.
Evi was there as well, with something spawning inside her that she didn’t have last time I saw her. Can’t say im surprised, succubus are only known for one thing really. There has been a lot of rumors going around about it so I knew about the new mommy before I saw Evi, but still wanted to see for myself. Evi seemed to need someone to talk to and seemed happy for me to be that person, personally I think the baby hormones are affecting what little brains she got in that head of hers. It was good to see her again though, shes a ok girl just kind of a dumb blond.
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THE VIOLENT
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Post by ZACK BENEDICT MØRK on May 6, 2012 11:04:01 GMT 1
diary of a madman --------------------------------
9
"You say it like its a bad thing.."
This academy just keeps throwing more and more surprises..
So I was out for a walk around the older parts of the academy, just minding my own business having a smoke when I meet this new guard Lorelai. First thought was she was pretty damn hot, a succubus apparently and was blatantly flirting with me to get info. I know that with most i just tell them where to get off, but.. she seemed nice and who am i to turn down the offer of sex? All she wanted was some info about Evi in return. Couldn't give her much but she seemed happy enough to hear what I did say. Anyway, it turned out she was Evi mommy. I admit it a new one for me to do it with two generations of family but she didn't seem to care I already bedded her daughter either.
Guess the whore gene runs in the family.
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THE VIOLENT
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Post by ZACK BENEDICT MØRK on Jul 20, 2013 18:58:52 GMT 1
diary of a madman --------------------------------
10
"Crazy is as crazy does"
Well... Ain't written in this for a while. Not that a lot has happened for me to write about. Nothing major anyway, not yet... A few rule changes have been brought in, like 'No-smoking on campus' and the Staff seem to have a dress code now. Quiet a few students are being called by number rather then name as well. Im not too worried about it all. Stuff like this has always gone on and usually things resolve themselves after a few weeks. I have no doubts that in a month the Head will have had such a backlash about it all that he will have a rethink about things.
Just in case though, I told Evi to come up with a Plan B to sort the Head out should he wish to stick to his word for once. My idea was to just 'stab and run' but she thinks that is too easy. Don't know why girls have to make things complicated, but she said the guy should suffer instead and had a plot to get the staff on board with us to do it. Can't really disagree with that but I still like my own plan better.
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THE VIOLENT
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Post by ZACK BENEDICT MØRK on Nov 30, 2013 22:00:06 GMT 1
diary of a madman --------------------------------
11
"bah...humbug!"
Almost December and I ain't feel at all festive. Whats worse is all the crap they are showing on tv. Happy families, smiling, giving gifts, stuffing there faces with food while kids wait for some fat stalker to break into there home at night... Its not really like that. Not here for sure.
If you ask me, Christmas is a pretty over rated holiday.
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THE VIOLENT
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Post by ZACK BENEDICT MØRK on Nov 18, 2014 20:47:39 GMT 1
diary of a madman --------------------------------
12
"I was in a dark place then, I'm in a dark place now"
Another year almost over, and where has it got me? Still in Manson, still seemingly pissing off the staff as a whole just by breathing, still having to keep this journal going. So since things are much the same for me, lets write about the other staff and residents...
Well, the calibre of females at this place hasn't greatly improved, still got the same old rumours flying around and known whores who its best to avoid unless your want a STI. But I have met a few interesting girls, well one in particular but i'm still figuring her out. I'm fairly certain she is nuts but is just hiding it well. Really, a chick with that much personality and shape changing ability has to be a bit loose in the head, but she seems to enjoy tormenting the staff as much as I do so Im not going to avoid her completely.
Then there is that other girl. I like her, she reminds me of someone. But she needs to stick up for herself more, I can't be around and her bodyguard all the time. It worries me. She so breakable, doesn't want to upset anyone. Doubt she blink if someone told her to keep still while they set her on fire.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just bump her off. Quick and painless. It would be a kinder thing to do.
But thats the students. About the staff now... The old head did a runner, and I can't blame him. This place gone to shit, I would leave it too if I could. Though now the head of security has taken over. Just another psycho control freak vampire if you ask me, just in blonde. Wonder how long he going to last?
My counsellor is getting married. Guess someone must like hairy and annoying in a personality.
Can't think of anything else for now. Life here ain't all that interesting.
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THE VIOLENT
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Post by ZACK BENEDICT MØRK on Mar 19, 2015 21:00:17 GMT 1
diary of a madman --------------------------------
13
"Unlucky for some.."
Love. What a ridiculous concept. I mean seeing other people getting all kissy faced and spit sharing, doesn't it make you want to throw up?
Why the hell the academy decided to put on a Valentines event I still can't get my head around. Im sure it has filled Faiths head with ideas of boyfriends and dating.
I know that was inevitable with her getting older, but what kind of brother would I be if I wasn't just a little bothered by the idea of some guy touching her?
Luckily I don't think it will happen. Faith is so quite and shy, and the other guys here a pigs. They don't want a nice girl like her.
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THE VIOLENT
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Post by ZACK BENEDICT MØRK on Oct 4, 2015 19:53:21 GMT 1
diary of a madman --------------------------------
14
"One pill makes you larger, one makes you small"
Some new meds have been working there way round the residents. Supposedly they were meant to be really effective in treating mental problems. Not had them myself, guess the nurses thought im a hopeless case so didn't bother.
From what I heard they did work for like a day for most then I heard they had some major side effects, and I don't mean just throwing up or making you all sleepy. Like people who were harmless but just nuts turning ultra violent and others who are just runaways hitting the bottle hard or stealing stuff. I think I heard a staff member went psycho too... Don't know which one.
All seems to have calmed down now. And I guess its good I got skipped over. Not like I need a pill to cause chaos for the staff anyway, and honestly I rather do it under my own power rather then some drug disagreeing with me.
...Really its been a while since I cause and trouble for the staff. Might have to change that. Someone got to keep them on there toes, you know, make sure they are prepared in case this kind of thing happens again.
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THE VIOLENT
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Post by ZACK BENEDICT MØRK on Mar 26, 2016 21:08:55 GMT 1
diary of a madman --------------------------------
15
"Control yourself, take only what you need from me"
Girls, I never really saw the point in them other then to fuck with and breeding purposes. Turns out they have other uses too. I made a deal with one... LILY IRIS ESTELL ? I think her names was. She is some psycho witch, gets a kick out of tormenting people almost as much as I do (:
She said if I bleed a little for her she can make some spell that would make whoever I want ill or have pain. Since I am shedding blood for her she said I get first pick of victim which is cool. I narrowed targets down to a couple of staff members. Im certain if I got for one it would get to the other but still have to decide which to hit.
God I hate decisions..
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